i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
