whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
