Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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