I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
