So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
