I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There r osticjed everywhere
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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