So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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