Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
