I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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