I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
