Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
