Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
