you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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