i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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