You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
