Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize