I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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