90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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