I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
