Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize