Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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