My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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