if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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