Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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