I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
