I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
