awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
its liver damage thursday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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