This girl is more easily done than said...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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