Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
