Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
