Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
