I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize