Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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