my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
