how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
