don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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