there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
