Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
