So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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