Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
