I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
