maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
