My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
