yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
