i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
