Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
