I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
