Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
