Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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