I just threw up on my dentist
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm too high and old for this...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
