She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
