dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
