it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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