I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
