I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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