i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
