I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
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