I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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