so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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