I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
