I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Randomize
