There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
