i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
