2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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