We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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