quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
