Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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