i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
