my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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