I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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