Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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