I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
