Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
