Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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