Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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