I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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