Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
tell me about the eggs
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
