Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
where am i from again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
