I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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