You can't motorboat a personality
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize