hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
