You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
