My sheets look like a crime scene.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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