wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
