she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
