don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
