1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
