Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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