Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
