i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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