Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
