You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
