it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
