Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
