Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize