I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
