What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
