I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
